top calvin & hobbes quotes - part two

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
~
Hobbes : "Do you think there's a God?
Calvin : "Well somebody's out to get me!"
Calvin : "Do you really think Bogeymen exist?"
Hobbes : "I'm not sure, but if they do, I think this is where they live…"
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"The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favour?"
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"Too bad the world will be ending soon."
"Beg your pardon?"
"Halley's Comet. Comets are harbingers of doom."
"No they aren’t, that’s just superstition."
"Really? Guess I'd better write that book report."
~
"This article says that many people find christmas the most stressful time of year."
"I believe it. This season sure fills *me* with stress."
"Really? How come?"
" I *hate* being good..."
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"I wonder where we go when we die?"
"...Pittsburgh?"
"You mean if we're good or if we're bad?"
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I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?
So basically, this maverick is urging everyone to express his individuality through conformity in brand-name selection.
In my opinion, television validates existence.
~
"Here's a movie we should watch."
"Who's in it?"
"It says 'Japanese Cast'...two big rubbery monsters slug it out over major metropolitan centres in a battle for world supremacy...doesn't that sound great?"
"And people say that foreign film is inaccessible."
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Hobbes : "It says here that by the age of 6, most children have seen a million murders on television."
Calvin : "I find that very disturbing...it means I've been watching all the wrong channels."
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H : "What are you doing?"
C : "Being cool."
H : "You look more like you're bored."
C : "The world bores you when you're cool."
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To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
It's only work if somebody makes you do it
~
Calvin: Our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S.-- Get Rid Of Slimy girlS!
Susie: Slimy girls?!
Calvin: I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't spell anything.
I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?
Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.
~
We are a fierce and dirty band of cut-throat pirates! Keep a sharp lookout matey, we don’t want any sissy girls on our ship!"
"We *don’t* like girls???"
"Of course not dummy, we're a murderous bunch of pirates, remember?"
"Who do we smooch then?"
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"There's a new girl in our class."
"Well, what’s her name?"
"WHO KNOWS?"
"Is she nice?"
"WHO CARES? Not me!"
"Do you LIKE her?"
"NO!"
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"Hello Susie, this is Calvin. I lost our homework assignment. Can you tell me what we were supposed to read for tomorrow?"
"Are you sure you're not calling for some other reason?"
"Why else would I call you?"
"Maybe you missed the melodious sound of my voice?"
"WHAT? Are you crazy? All I want is the STUPID assignment!"
"First say you missed the melodious sound of my voice."
"THIS IS BLACKMAIL!"
~
"Do you like being a girl?"
"It’s gotta be better than the alternative."
"What’s it like? Is it like being a bug?"
"Like a WHAT?"
"I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it."